Sunday, July 17, 2011

My Diabetes Breakdown

It's been about 8 months since Andrew was diagnosed with type 1, 7 months since he was diagnosed with celiac disease and about 1-1/2 months since he was diagnosed with double diabetes.  I think things are just now starting to sink in.

It was right before Thanksgiving when we received his diabetes diagnosis.  After that was Christmas and we struggled to finish up our homeschooling year while having our whole household turned literally upside down.  I never really took the time to grieve since I just dove right in and made sure that Andrew was taken care of.

I'm now realizing that I forgot to take care of someone - ME.

My normal bubbly self is now so tired all the time and I've gained weight.  At church today, I had to leave during the beginning music.  The words just touch my heart and I break down in tears.  I'm just so emotional lately.  I excused myself to the bathroom and got myself together.  I then ventured to visit Andrew and see what his 1 hour post breakfast was.  As he was testing, he said that one of the little girls in his class stood up and announced that her mom now has diabetes.  It took all I had to keep it together.  I know the family and they are just wonderful people!  To me, it doesn't matter if someone has type 1, type 2, type 3, MODY, LADA, gestational, etc...  Wherever diabetes shows up, it impacts that person and everyone around them.

My question to all of you:  When does it get better?  

I know that my healing can only come through the Father.  As I got into our car after church, I was overwhelmed as the Lord spoke to me.  He told me that my healing will be through helping the newly diagnosed diabetic in our church family.  What a blessing!!!!  His name will be praised as I explain how He has worked in our lives since Andrew's diagnosis.  God ALWAYS knows what we need and when.  He wants me to give all my fears and worries to Him which will allow Him to work through me.  Amen!


  1. Well...I think it is different for each of us. I found grieving to be like on a continuum. I would swing back and forth a bit ... some days were OK and others not-so-much. It took a good year and a half for me to find my "spark" again...and to really start "living" again. For awhile I was robotic...just going through the motions. Hang in there. Chin up. Write it out. We are all here my friend...reading...and nodding our heads. Same-same.

  2. It's been a year for me and I still have a really hard time with it all. I don't cry everyday, but like Reyna said, it goes back and forth, some days it really hits me and I cry a lot and feel so overwhelmed, other days, I feel like hey, I can do this! It's like going through the grieving process when you lose a loved one, you go through all the steps of grieving...take your time and heal as YOU need to, not how others think that you should.

  3. It is different for each of us --- We are almost at the 2 year mark and I feel like I've come so far and then there are days when D just gets me down. It sounds like you are finally taking time to grieve and do what you need to do to make yourself better. That is so important. Like you, I felt like helping others walking in my footsteps was my calling. I love to mentor newly dx families and help them see that there is light at the end of the table.

    Thinking about you and sending hugs your way.

  4. Hi, my name is Denise, and Diabetes gets me down and then kicks me while I'm there, too!! :)
    It does get better, I promise. It just doesn't always stay better, sorry!
    I've found that I just need to let myself feel what I feel (whether it's joy from getting it right for a whole day, or anger at a number or string of numbers that won't cooperate or make sense, or sadness/grief over the loss of freedom to just let Bean eat, etc) when I feel it instead of trying to hide it.
    God is walking with you, holding your hand, picking you up when you fall, carrying you when you feel like you can't take another step. He purposed this and will bring good out of it...even it that takes a while, doesn't make sense how in the world it will ever happen, or seem completely impossible at the time!
    In fact, you being able to reach out to this family is part of the 'good.' Hold on to it and let God pour out His blessing on you as you are a blessing to them!

  5. Oh honey. It gets better when there is a cure! I am going to email you.

  6. It took me two years. I'm so sorry-it's not easy. It is STILL hard. Denise is right. Lean on God and let Him help you through. We'll do all we can, and we'll cheer you on. : ) I do think good will come, we've met so many new people, and I've learned a lot about myself, and my daughter has come through stronger than she might have otherwise.

    Find joy in little things, and take time to be you. Do the things you liked before, take time to be alone, and to be with your friends. It does seem like it takes over your life, but don't let it. God is in control, and HE will see you through this good work He's begun in you AND Andrew. : ) Sending love, and we'll pray for you! Holly

  7. It is a process. And one you have to be willing to start going through to come out with some healing. It is very much like a physical wound. You have to look at it and pick the rocks, glass, junk out, then clean out the icky blood and torn tissue. That part hurts. A lot. But it needs to be done - and then you can start healing. My big grieving breakthrough came when I finally told myself "It is OK to be sad." And I just let myself be sad for a while. And as you go through that, God starts showing you what you still have joy in. And while there are always sad parts, there is always our hope for eternal joy.

  8. Oh Sweet Friend, I'm so sorry you're struggling. I think we have seasons of that. I also think that God will "vary" our seasons so we can help each other.

    I will be faithfully praying for you. Remember, God loves you so much! I'm so happy that He's making himself evident to you right now. He is so good.

    About the weight thing....Nikki, I am really struggling in this area. Every day I start off great and then when Matthew's numbers take a turn, I turn to food. It's really becoming more of a spiritual problem for me, if you know what I mean.

    Perhaps we could encourage each other and give some accountability in this area? I know I could use it....Pray about it and let me know....

    If I could be with you right now, I'd give you a great big and tell you that God is going to get you through. And with flying colors!!

    Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit.

  9. It's been a little over 2 years. 2 years, 2 months and 22 days to be exact.

    I have days where it all seems fine, great, dandy. Some days where I could cry constantly. And some days in between. It DOES get better. But the bad days are still there. Just less frequent.

    Tell me about the weight gain. I try so hard. I'm making good choices and then BAM something happens and that is how I deal with it. Food. I KNOW it. And yet I don't know how to stop it. So I can't offer you any advice there.

    There are many times at church while I've wept through a service. Many. I feel that God has chosen this for us for some reason, though. I don't know why. But I trust that it's in His plan. Have you heard the song Stronger by Mandisa. So, so good!

    ((hugs)) to you! Sending you many prayers as you navigate this crazy new life!

  10. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and encouragement! God has truly blessed me with a wonderful support group!